Hold the applause.

Since the start of Uprising I've been keeping track of the weeks in my journal during devo time every morning. Some people think it's a strange habit, but I can't help it--I like keeping track of things. (: Some pages are filled top to bottom, front and back, others have only a few words on them, and some days aren't even accounted for (I decided not to write, or I didn't make enough time to write, etc). I keep an arsenal of resources with me every morning so I can be prepared for whatever I feel led to do. Sometimes I sit in silence, sometimes I pray incessantly, sometimes I focus on keeping my heart right and worshipping God with music, and sometimes I write the entire time. There are mornings when I feel like my efforts are reaching the ceiling and plummeting back down to the floor. Those are the most discouraging mornings--the mornings that make the day more difficult because I feel like I'm taking on the world without God. There are other mornings, though, when I start out with no direction and end up incredibly uplifted by what God puts in front of my face.

Wednesday of week seventeen had me marveling at how far into the program we had come. I was in awe of God and the things he's been doing in and through our group and Grace Family Church. I felt encouraged already but I didn't have any specific direction to go in, so I prayed, popped my headphones in, and started going through my options. I thought about reading out of my Solo devo, or Who I Am In Christ. I even grabbed My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers (one of my favorite choices), but each time I turned a page in these great books I wasn't feeling what I was looking for--even though I had no idea what it was.


I stopped.


I prayed.


I waited.



Finally, I reached for my bible.
"This feels right."



I started flipping through pages to get to my go-to books: Psalms & Proverbs. But once I got there I kept on going. I ended up in Matthew.

"Matthew? Okay, I'm down."


As I began reading, I felt encouraged and challenged at the same time. I got to Matthew 6:1 and it really stuck with me. It says to "Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don't make a performance out of it. It might be good theater, but the God who made you won't be applauding." I felt like it was challenge to me to keep myself in check and serve without being rewarded or applauded. To put the needs of others before my own without expecting any personal gain.

I don't need an audience; I don't need the applause. 


That got me thinking even more. God is going to applaud each of us someday if we take the time to invest in our relationship with him and not keep it on the surface. This is something that I've been trying to grow in over the past few months: depth. I don't open up easily (ask my mother, she has to play 20 Questions more than she should have to). When I've read a book or had a time of devotion it's harder for me to share how it hit me since I don't actually know how I really feel about it until hours later. As I kept up with my train of thought I started to think about applause. What does it mean? Why do we do it? Who or what actually deserves it? When I titled this post, I just thought it was catchy; but the more I've thought about it, the more I want to reiterate that this final paragraph is not "the very end." Yes, it's close to the end of this particular blog post, but it's not "the end." God deserves the applause. All of it. It's hard to applaud one thing whole-heartedly without taking away from something else that you're applauding; it's even more difficult to alternate the things you give your applause to. The last time you clapped with everything you had weren't your hands hurting by the end of it? Didn't your arms get tired after a while? Think about the things you're applauding in your life. A relationship? A career? Friends? School? Music? Family? Those are all things to celebrate and take joy in, but don't forget about the source of that joy. Who gave it to you? Who created each of the things I just listed? Who wakes you up in the morning with a breath of air in your lungs?

Hold your applause until the very end. You don't want to have limp, tired hands when the ultimate party is just getting started.

(Check out "Your Arrival" by Phil Wickham. I really wanted to put it on the playlist for this post, but I can't seem to find it. It's an awesome song, though. I've been listening to it a lot while writing this.)